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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953702">The Bears and the Bees</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineNoodles/pseuds/DivineNoodles'>DivineNoodles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Gen, Humor, Somehow a Little Wholesome, everyone is stupid, please don't take this too seriously</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:57:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineNoodles/pseuds/DivineNoodles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kokoro and Hagumi ask Michelle a difficult-to-answer question.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Bears and the Bees</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you're concerned about the work's title, don't fret: this fic contains absolutely nothing in the way of innuendo, bawdy imagery, or any other form of suggestive material.</p>
<p>It is simply very, very stupid.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hey Michelle? What’s sex?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki dropped the amplifier she was carrying centimeters away from her bear-costumed toes, ratcheting around to face Kokoro and Hagumi’s wide, curious eyes. Every last cell in her body had frozen on the spot in Kokoro’s parlor, her thoughts turned from considerations of the day’s practice schedule to complete blankness. “I’m… I’m sorry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sex!” said Kokoro, smiling as if she were talking about dolphins or sunshine or any of the other millions of things that would warrant such a carefree expression. “Hagumi heard that word the other day and wanted to know what it meant!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” said Hagumi, nodding. “I’ve been wondering a lot!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Inside the Michelle suit, Misaki felt her entire body become covered in a thick layer of sweat. “Ah… Ahaha, s-silly girls! That’s n-not something for you to know about…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kokoro and Hagumi tilted their heads simultaneously. “Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-Well… you see…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was at that moment that Kaoru burst through the parlor door with a flamboyant pose. “Good afternoon, my dear friends! Are we ready to practice?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“G-Go ask Kaoru!” Misaki stammered, gently shoving Kokoro and Hagumi in her direction. “She’s… smart and mature! She’ll know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay then!” replied Hagumi before pivoting towards Kaoru. “Hey Kao-kun? Can we ask you something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever is it?” asked Kaoru.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s sex?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it something weird?” asked Kokoro. “Michelle acted kinda funny when we asked her about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki feared that Kaoru would trip or stumble or otherwise panic, but instead she chortled softly. “Oh, my dears… there’s no need to fret. Why, this manner of inquiry is all too human at our intrepid age! And as our bodies grow, it is most essential to understand the changes and desires that occur alongside that growth. Does that make sense?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” replied Hagumi. “So what’s sex?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well…” Kaoru smirked, drawing the bangs out of her eyes. “It is but that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooooooooh…” the other two dummies replied. “I don’t get it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perspiration continued to coagulate on Misaki’s nape as Kanon entered the room. “S-Sorry I’m late! I got a little lost.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Kanon!” said Kokoro, bounding towards her with a leap. “Do you know what se--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“--tlist we’re performing for our next concert?” Misaki interjected, covering both Kokoro and Hagumi’s mouths from behind with giant pawed mittens. “Hmm I can’t remember and I bet you can’t either why don’t we talk about this in the hall for a second in private okay byyye!!!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With panicked haste she scooted Kanon out into the hall and slammed the door shut in the dummies’ inquisitive faces before dragging her arm away a couple extra dozen meters just for good measure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fueeeee!” Kanon fueed, huffing as they came to a stop down the hall. “Wh-What’s the matter, Misaki-chan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki yanked off her Michelle head, gasping for fresh air as her harried brain struggled to get a hold of itself. “I… I don’t know who they heard it from, b-but…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki’s sigh was full of both alarm and lamentation. “They… they want to know what sex is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon’s complexion went from slightly pale to redder than a beating heart.. “Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-WHAT?!?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus H. Christ…” Misaki moaned, dragging down her cheeks with her gloved hands. “What on earth do we do…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh-Why are they asking us?” asked Kanon. “Isn’t that the sort of thing they should be talking to their parents about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The resident mom and dad of Hello, Happy World! looked each other in the eye for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“R-Right… silly question… eheheh…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki sighed. “Look, I… I don’t think I can do this. You’re going to have to talk to them about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“M-Me?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, Kanon-san!” Misaki begged, kowtowing in her Michelle outfit (which was very difficult to do). “You’re the only one I can trust!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“F-Fuee?! B-But…!” Kanon wrung her hands around the end of her skirt. “But I… I…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it’ll be awkward and nervous and weird, but…” Misaki gulped as she stood up. “They </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> teens. They should probably know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. But…” Kanon swallowed. “M-Misaki-chan… there’s one problem.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki tilted her head up. “What’s that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I…” Kanon’s eyes shut tight as she squeaked out, “I don’t actually know what sex is!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki felt her mind flatline for the third time in as many minutes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry!” Kanon stuttered, bowing profusely. “I-I’ve never figured out the time to talk to my parents about it, a-and I don’t want to look it up on the internet because I don’t know what I’ll find… I just know it’s… um...” Kanon made an incomprehensible series of gesticulations with her hands. “S-Something like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s fair,” Misaki sighed, slouching against the wall for support. “I… I mean, yeah. Totally… totally fine. Everything’s fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slowly lowered herself to the floor. Kanon looked on with concern. “M-Misaki-chan? What’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki was silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um… a-are you going to tell them, then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...on’t know… ther.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon leaned in, unable to make out her mutterings. “I’m sorry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know what sex is either!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Misaki bellowed, slamming a fist against the hallway carpet. “It’s really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassing but I’ve just like… never found out, okay?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“D-Don’t beat yourself up, Misaki-chan!” said Kanon, waving her arms frantically. “I-I mean I don’t even know and I’m older than you, so, so…!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaargh!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fueee!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two yelled with increasing discomfort until they were spent, both haunched against the wall in despair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do we do…?” asked Misaki, her voice cracked and defeated. “They’re probably gonna bug us about it right as we step back inside…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From the depths of gloom, Kanon’s head rose up. “Wait… wait! I-I think I know a solution!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon pulled out her phone. “We just have to ask somebody who knows to explain it to them… a-and to us, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki cocked an eyebrow as she looked over at Kanon. “Who did you have in mind…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-Only the smartest person I know!” said Kanon, smiling as she dialed up a number.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kilometers away, in a mirrored room where five idols were practicing, a short blonde bassist stepped away for a moment to pick up a call. “Hello? Kanon?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chisato-chan!” Kanon sighed as her head fell back against the wall. “I’m so glad you picked up. I thought you might be busy…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll always make time for you,” said Chisato, smiling. “Why’d you call?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, er… I just had a question for you…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, is that Matsubara-san you’re talking to?” asked Maya from across the rehearsal room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Put her on speaker!” called Aya, as the rest of Pastel*Palettes began to crowd around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No sooner had Chisato pulled the phone away from her ear and pushed the speaker button than did Kanon stammer out her question:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“D-D-Do you know what sex is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence hung over the rehearsal studio for a split-second before Hina burst out into uncontrollable laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god </span>
  </em>
  <span>she doesn’t know?!” she asked, pounding a fist against the wall. “Who doesn’t know that kind of thing at our age?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-Hey!” Aya hiccuped, pinker than her hair. “Th-There may be some, uh, very lovely and smart people who just don’t happen to know, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eve seemed unfazed. “Maya-san, I don’t believe I know that word either. Could you explain it to me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“U-Uh, uhm, w-well, huhehehehee,” Maya laughed awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with everybody (but especially her reflection in the mirror), “I-I wish I could tell you myself, but I, er, um… i-it’s not bushido for me to tell you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no!” Eve’s expression sharpened. “Then please do not!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At ease, everyone,” said Chisato, shaking her head with a resigned smile. “I must admit, Kanon, that I didn’t expect you to call about something like this… who’d you hear that word from? Was it Kaoru?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon, stricken with paralysis after realizing she had spoken to the entire Pastel*Palettes unit, was barely able to choke out a “N-No…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh thank goodness,” said Chisato, happy that she wouldn’t have to call in a hit later that day. “Though I do wonder why you would call me for such a matter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re… knowledgeable…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chisato sighed. “Not as much as you’d think. I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to your question, either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the band stared at her in legitimate surprise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I could know if I wished to,” said Chisato, her smile not dropping an inch. “But I find it safer for my career if I keep knowledge of any licentious matters as far from my mind as possible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean… that’s o-one way to do it, huhehehe…” Maya giggled nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, does that mean I’m the only one who knows?” asked Hina, her eyes lighting up. “Awesome! I can answer, then!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought five different people simultaneously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sex… sex… sex…” Hina muttered over and over, like a mantra. “Sex is like… shoobity-wap, and then kapoom, and then brrrrrrrrrrap. Y’know, something like that!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nobody was stunned in the slightest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, um, see,” said Kanon, trying to remain polite. “W-Well, thank you for the responses. I’ll, uh, take them into consideration…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Best of luck, Kanon-chan!” Eve called. “I dearly hope that you find out what sex is!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chisato sighed. “Bye, Kanon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“B-Bye!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon hung up and slunk even more against the wall. Misaki surveyed her pitifully. “Not a success, I imagine?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Maybe we just need to try somebody else.” Misaki pulled out her own phone with a weary breath. “I have a compatriot who will understand our plight, I think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Far in the distance, in a backyard filled with bonsai trees, a twintailed gardener was muttering to herself in the middle of her pruning when her phone rang. “Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Ichigaya-san,” said Misaki. “How are you today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So-so,” Arisa replied, jamming the phone between her ear and her shoulder so she could handle her shears more properly. “What’s up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… there’s a certain question I need help answering.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. What is it, a math problem? I didn’t know you needed tutoring.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-No, it’s not like that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well then what is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A sigh. “Do you know what sex is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arisa yelped as her clippers cut off an entire branch of her bonsai tree by accident. “T-Todekimaru! No!!!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ichigaya-san? Is everything okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-No!” Arisa stammered back, slamming her pruners onto the table. “It is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay! Why on earth are you asking me that?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, would you rather have me ask my parents?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean yes? I guess?! That’s not the point!” Arisa huffed. “Aren’t you practically an adult at this point? You should know better!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S-Sorry,” Misaki replied. “I know it’s kind of… no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassing, but… can you please tell me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“,,,Ichigaya-san?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh-What?” asked Arisa. “L-Look, Okusawa-san, I’m in the middle of gardening, so--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know either, do you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not my fault!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arisa cried, her chin hitting the table as she sank to her knees. “Kasumi and Rimi asked me last week with these big old baby eyes and I didn’t know what to say! So I went to O-Tae and asked for her help and you know what she said? ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older.’ Even though she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>younger </span>
  </em>
  <span>than me! And Saaya just laughed and went along with it! What was I supposed to say to that?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki was barely able to stifle a snort. “Guess this is just another way in which we’re two peas in a pod, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up,” Arisa snapped, climbing to her feet with a grumble. “Go ask somebody who gives a damn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a real friend, bestie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Goodbye.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See ya.” Misaki shook her head as she hung up to signal that there was no dice there, either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh-Who’s left?” asked Kanon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki shrugged. “Maybe Afterglow? You’re friends with Hazawa-san, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! She’s mature!” Kanon replied, fumbling with her phone again. “Sh-She’ll know… right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she dialed up the number, Misaki couldn’t help but feel they were falling further and further into the abyss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the distant Haneoka rooftop, the local student council vice president soon picked up her ringing phone. “Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ts-Tsugumi-chan?” said Kanon. “U-Um, where are you right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m just with Afterglow on the rooftop, same as always!” Tsugumi replied chipperly, her bandmates sparing her a glance as they idly looked off into the sunset. “What’s up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, f-first off, don’t put your phone on speaker, please!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahaha… okay…?” Tsugumi laughed nervously. “Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s… just a little private, that’s all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pr-Private?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you talking to, Tsugu?” asked Tomoe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clearly it’s her girlfriend,” said Moca with a grin. “We should leave the lovebird be~.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cut it out,” snapped Ran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsugumi swallowed her anxiety, imagining that Kanon couldn’t have anything that worrisome to talk to her about. “Okay, what is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um…” Kanon breathed and out in a stilted rhythm in a meager attempt to steel her stomach. “Do… Do you know what sex is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsugumi’s phone fell onto the concrete with a clatter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tsugu?” asked Himari, looking over to see Tsugumi’s ears emitting more steam than a fresh cup of Hazawa Coffee. “What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsugumi slooowly pivoted herself around, her lips tangled into a squiggle as her eyes swirled. “I… I was just asked about sex…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“WHAT?!” shouted the other members of Afterglow simultaneously. “HELL--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“YES!” cried Moca and Himari. “GO GET ‘EM, GIRL!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“NO!” screamed Tomoe and Ran, running over to cradle Tsugumi’s limp, vacant figure. “WHO DID THIS?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me, Tsugumi,” said Ran, clasping her shoulders and jostling her around with intense concern. “Tell me and I’ll murder them!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tomoe reached down and picked up the phone, jamming the speaker button. “Oy, you! Yeah, you, in the phone! Who the hell do you think you are?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ran wrestled the phone out of her hands to scream louder. “Tell me who you are, you addlebrained creep, so I can come over and kick your ass so hard it comes out your mouth!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nobody </span>
  </em>
  <span>says that kinda thing to Tsugu on our watch! Nobody!” Tomoe continued, spitting off the rooftop as she latched back onto the phone in a combo grip with Ran. “I’ll find you and throttle you if it’s the last thing I do!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you anyway?” spat Ran, holding the phone a good half-meter from her mouth. “You’ve been awfully quiet, eh? You got something to say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their fury having run its course, the two of them stared at the phone for a moment, panting heavily. Now that they had stopped yelling they could hear the other end of the line: profuse, muffled sobbing. In the aftermath of their blind rage, they read the name on the screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kanon...chan?” asked Tomoe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t that…” muttered Ran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small rustle through the phone line. “...Excuse me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was Misaki’s voice--low, quiet. Like a lake as storm clouds hovered over the horizon. Tomoe unconsciously wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. “U-Uh, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whom am I speaking to?” asked Misaki.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“R-Ran and Tomoe, from Afterglow,” Ran replied without a second thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah. I see.” In her pause, more crying could be heard from the other end of the line. “I have a question for you two.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh… What is it?” asked Tomoe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you know what color blood is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neither Tomoe nor Ran could speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s right. It’s your favorite.” They could feel the daggers through the phone line. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Red.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They probably would have dropped the phone if Himari--who had been helping Tsugumi cool down--hadn’t come over and snatched it from their hands. “Hello? Misaki-chan? What’s happening?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Kanon’s crying right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Himari’s brow furrowed as she gasped and turned to Tomoe and Ran, who shrunk back in guilt. “Kanon-chan is…! Don’t worry, Misaki-chan, as Afterglow’s leader I’ll make sure to doll out the proper punishment, mark my words!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Uehara-san.” The tension in Misaki’s voice lowered a bit. “I’ll trust you on that front.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ehehe…” Himari giggled at the rare occasion of someone trusting her to do something. “Now then, what’d you all call to talk about again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh right... Do you know what sex is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“God, I wish I did!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Himari huffed, slumping over the railing. “I’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying </span>
  </em>
  <span>to know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s true,” Ran grumbled. “She won’t shut up about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You secretly want to know too, don’t you?” asked Moca, wearing that Mocatastic smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ran cleared her throat. “Wh-Whatever. Who cares about that kind of stuff?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I bet Minato-san knows waaay more about sex than you do~.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah well I know way more about what a camellia means in an ikebana arrangement than she does so she can eat my--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait!” Tomoe cried. “I think I knew what sex was once.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Once?” asked Misaki incredulously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” said Tomoe, crossing her arms and nodding. “I knew it but then I purposefully forgot it. Didn’t wanna talk about it around Ako by accident.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>purposefully </span>
  </em>
  <span>forget...?” asked Tsugumi, finally calm enough to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I just punched myself in the head until all the knowledge left.”</span>
</p>
<p><span>All looked on in silence, save Himari, who muttered a quiet</span> <span>“rats” to herself.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Moca-chan knows the answer, of course~” she lilted. “But she can’t tell. There are children about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m not a child!” Tsugumi squeaked out. “Even if I don’t know much about this kind of thing…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was talking about Hiichan, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki could tell that this avenue had also yielded no results. “Thanks for, uh, trying to help. But not for what you said to Kanon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahaha… sorry,” said Tomoe. “We can be a little protective of Tsugu sometimes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-We didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” said Ran. “Really…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki cleared her throat. “Uehara-san?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say no more! Bye~, Misaki-chan!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last sound Misaki heard as she hung up the phone was the sound of Himari’s knuckles cracking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kanon was lying on the floor against the wall, having run her tear ducts dry. “D-Did everything work out…? Is Tsugumi-chan o-okay? I-I didn’t mean to--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all good, Kanon-san,” said Misaki, helping her to sit back up. “I’m more worried about you than the rest of this ridiculous situation.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine!” Kanon professed, wiping her face one last time. “We have to keep going at this point! Kokoro and everyone else will keep asking! Or worse… l-look it up on the internet!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh God, we absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot </span>
  </em>
  <span>let that happen,” Misaki choked out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh-What do we do, then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki sighed. “Well, I guess we can try Roselia… do you have any of their numbers?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, unfortunately… fuee…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki scrolled through her contact list. “I just have Sayo-senpai’s… well, here goes nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the CiRCLE studio room, Roselia was tuning their instruments as Sayo picked up her phone. “Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Sayo-senpai? Are you busy right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re to start practice in a few moments,” said Sayo, glancing at her bandmates adjusting equipment. “Is it urgent?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… a little, I guess? Is Lisa-san there? I feel like she would probably be the most help…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She hasn’t arrived yet. What is it? You can speak to me if it’s troubling you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki sighed. “Well… do you know what sex is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sayo audibly gasped, drawing a hand before her mouth like a victorian maiden who had seen a sliver of ankle. “Okusawa-san…! I never took you to be such a… a… a libertine!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Libertine…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whom are you speaking with, Sayo?” asked Yukina.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sayo lowered her phone and smothered the bottom half. “It’s Okusawa-san from Hello, Happy World. She just asked me about se… s…” She summoned every ounce of willpower within her with a brusque, aghast breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sex.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’ve heard of that!” said Ako. “My sister said it one time and then started hitting herself in the head. When I asked her she said she’d never heard of it, though. With this really blank look, too! Isn’t that weird, Rinrin?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rinko’s mind had frozen, her finger stuck on middle C as her brain flashed back to some of the online fiction she had read in her past.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sex, you say?” asked Yukina. “I’m unacquainted with it. Is it something music related? Would it benefit us as a band?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It absolutely would not,” said Sayo, blushing as she shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you certain?” asked Yukina with a raised eyebrow. “We must consider every strategy possible when it comes to improving our sound. If it’s for the good of Roselia, then it must be undertaken.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ridiculous…” Sayo muttered. “There’s no way it could be… well, not that I would know, I suppose, considering that I haven’t a clue what it actually is…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lisa walked in through the door at that moment. “Yo, what’s up?” She glanced around. “What’s with the dull gazes and red faces?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sayo thrust her phone into Lisa’s hand. “Here. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> may be able to handle such salacious matters.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Salacious…?” Lisa put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Lisa-san? Is that you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, hi Misaki,” said Lisa, putting down her bass bag. “What’s up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… need your help with something.” Misaki reared her head against the Tsurumaki hallway pillar and looked at the ceiling with a sigh. “...There’s a problem much bigger than I initially anticipated.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>An hour later and nearly every band member in town was now situated in Kokoro’s parlor, all crowded around and facing the windows. Before long, the last group of guests arrived through the door. “Oh, hey, you made it!” Lisa said to their lead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks for reaching out,” Rei replied, smiling just a little sheepishly. “It turns out none of us knew, either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rokka blushed beside her. Masuki continued looking on, unperturbed. “Well, never a bad time to start learning, eh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are your other two members…?” asked Saaya.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re just outside,” Rei replied. “I wasn’t sure if this was, uh, age-appropriate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, in Gay Baby Jail, I see,” said Moca with a knowing nod. “Don’t worry, I’ll give them the kiddie-approved version. Come on and help out, Hina-senpai.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Boppin~!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them sauntered out the door as everybody else took a seat, facing the proctors of this impromptu session: Lisa, Saaya, and Tae, each standing tall and motherly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All right, everyone, settle down,” said Saaya, quieting the room with motions of her hands. “And Tomoe, no need to cover Ako’s ears like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“B-But what if she hears?” Tomoe asked, smushing her hands against the side of Ako’s head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” Arisa sighed. “She’s not a baby anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is part of growing up,” said Misaki. “It’s something everybody in here has to learn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You say that, you two…” said Lisa, “but you’re covering Kasumi and Kokoro’s ears yourselves right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s different!” Arisa snapped. “They’re like kindergartners!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep holding on to Hagumi’s ears, Kanon-san,” Misaki directed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuee? Are you sure?” Kanon replied. “I-I mean…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“HI KOKORON!” Kasumi shouted. “HOW ARE YOU TODAY?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“GREAT, KASUMI!” Kokoro yelled back. “HAGUMI IS GREAT TOO!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“YOU BET I AM!” Hagumi screamed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the stern gaze of Saaya, the three dummy-handlers relinquished their grips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Sayo, Eve,” said Lisa, “stop covering your own ears too, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I refuse,” Sayo replied. “You may have cajoled me into attending this meeting, but that doesn’t mean the lascivious thoughts have to enter my brain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is not bushido unless you go through the proper courtship first!” Eve proclaimed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, guys,” Lisa said softly, quieting the hubbub that had risen, “look, I know this is kinda an embarrassing topic, right? Something easy to get flustered about and all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah!” replied Rimi, nodding with a tomato-red face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But that’s why it’s important that we talk about it,” Saaya continued. “This is the sort of thing that can really hurt someone--especially yourself--if you’re not careful. Which is why it’s important to know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Question,” said Masuki, raising a hand. “The ladies at my school told me if I thought about this kinda thing I’d go to hell. Is that true?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not at all!” Lisa replied. “It’s a part of life, and nothing to be afraid of. But that’s why it’s good that we talk about it in a safe, comfortable space like this, so you know what’s good and natural and what could be potentially harmful. Does that make sense?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of nods greeted her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excellent,” said Tae. “Now where do we begin?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well…” Lisa cleared her throat. “Let’s just… talk for a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so they did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They talked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And talked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And talked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And talked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lisa, Saaya, and Tae just kept on talking, and everybody listened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reactions of the audience varied wildly. Some, like Maya and Aya, couldn’t help but react to every new detail by attempting to bury their face and hide away. Others, like Ran and Kaoru, looked unfazed even as their faces began to overheat with blood. And yet more, like Yukina and Chisato, seemed completely unaffected as they listened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the end of the Talk, the room’s air lingered with an awkward tension. Absolutely nobody moved a muscle, avoiding eye contact at every cost. Even Lisa and Saaya had gotten a bit flush and had to take a seat to compose themselves in the middle of their lecture. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just when it seemed like they would remain there frozen forever, Kasumi raised a hand in the front row. “I’m sorry, I… I still don’t get what sex is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae--the lone person left calm and on her feet--nodded in understanding. “That’s fine. I can sum it up for you in one sentence to make it easier for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everybody turned towards Tae, with her eyes closed in sage-like pensiveness. Then, with a smile, she opened her eyes and said:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All you need to know about sex… is that it’s not the same as gender.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What? They were talking about biological sex the entire time. What'd you think they were talking about?</p>
<p>
  <s>Please do not cancel me</s>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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